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If your phone is rooted you can get a firewall app which blocks all 3G connections unless allowed. I know my droid x has option to stop all data. I also have the option to stop sync which allows 3g if I open the app but no background service can use 3g to keep up to date.
I was disabling data by menu>settings>data manager>data delivery>unchecking background data and data enabled. I used bettercut to make a shortcut to the data manger to get rid of a few steps.
I think I fixed it by menu>settings>wireless & networks>wi-fi settings>menu key>advanced>wi-fi sleep policy>change that to never
I'll see tomorrow