my fiances dad hates me

[eddiekeyton]

So I wanted to propose to my girlfriend yesterday. I had just purchased her a ring, and was ready to do it. I decided to show her father respect and ask him first. I know he and I have a tender relationship. He thinks I'm worthless, not driven, not right for his daughter. Yet I hold a job, pay my bills and treat his daughter like a queen. Anyways. I asked him if I could marry his daughter. He did say yes. But then continues to downgrade me. Saying stuff like.... I know what my daughter wants and its not you. Let me tell you something, she will only take so much and then she will leave. She will only support someone for so long. Then she will be gone. So if you want to keep her then you need to find a way to be more like her father. ..... Oh I was seeing red! Then I was in the hospital on easter and he thinks that I went to the hospital to get out of going to the family gathering. I was in the hospital with pancreatitis lol you can't fake that. He simply hates me. My fiance says its because of her track record with worthless guys and that sooner or later her father will come around and see that I'm not going anywhere. Its been 2 years, she's pregnant and now were engaged. How much more does he need to see before he realizes I'm not going anywhere. I love his daughter and will spend the rest of my life with her whether he likes it or not. I know that sounds harsh. But that's just how it is. She loves me and I love her. Any recommendations? Keep in mind that I only shoe him the up most respect when he's around. Yes sir, no sir, thank you and you're welcome. He is a successful man and is the head of a huge hospital and I work for DirecTV could that be why?...... By the way. She said yes

 

[sineater]

Rear naked choke hold would probably make you feel better, but most likely wouldn't help the situation. The only thing you can do here is just continue to show respect to him and his daughter. He only wants whats best for her and he just wants to make sure its you. Sometiems it takes people a long time to come around but if you are persistant long enough he will. Good luck man I know how you feel.

 

[GalaxyGadgetGirl]

I was on the flip side of the situation. I was the girl who's mother did not like the guy she was with. Honestly, it comes down to what makes you happy. Obviously you two are in love and now pregnant, if her father wants her as a part of his life, he will have to accept you as a part of it. And for that matter, if he wants to see his grandchildren, he will get over himself.

 

[biglilome]

well all i wanted to say is congratulations for your engagement and the baby!!! ! and i wish you the best of luck!

 

[dezymond]

Her dad seems a bit old school, some people just never break out of bad expectations. Maybe on your wedding day he'll finally come around? Sometimes proving yourself to someone will drive you crazy, just remember you can't please everyone, but if you can keep her happy, then he'll drop the front eventually I would think.

Congrats on the baby and your engagement. I wish you two the best life together and for a happy and healthy baby.

 

[eddiekeyton]

Thank you guys so much. Its just a lot of stress to be honest. Is it worth it to me? Yes! I love her, and everything about her. In will be here for the baby and her no matter what it takes. I just really wish her father word have a relationship with me. I want to go fishing with him, drink beer, shoot guns. Stuff that father in laws do. I never had a father and I think that's why I want to be close to him. But it just doesn't look like he wants to let his guard down to give me the shot. There have been times I thought I was close. But I was wrong. The first day I met him. He talked a bunch of crap about me to his daughter saying that I was worthless, non driven and a bum. That really hurt. But I pushed through it and it did hurt, but, I want to do what's right and keep being nice to him and taking care of my soon to come next month daughter. Thanks guys so much.

 

[dezymond]

You not retaliating or anything shows you're the bigger man. In order for people to grow, they must change. Unfortunately, change doesn't come easy to some and seems you've met someone like this. It's all very "tv like", but tv is based on some truth after all.

As they say, you can choose your friends, but not your family. I highly doubt her father is any reason to leave your fiance or think any less of her. You're in it for her, not her father. It may not fall within what you consider an "ideal" situation of what a father in law should be, but just by you not having a father in your life, you're far from any "traditional" upbringing. I'm sure not having a father was and still is tough for you, but if you've lived your life happily so far, that's what counts. Him not liking you is his problem which he'll have to get over. The joy of marriage and having a daughter with the one you love coming into this world, I don't think it gets any better than that, but I could only imagine for now.

Keep your head up. Just because you didn't have your father growing up doesn't mean you can't be a good one for your daughter. Be the father you always admired having to your daughter and I think life will turn out just fine for you and your family.

Best of luck

 

[94lt1]

Here it is.. From my point of view.. I'd stop reading here... So be warned lol.

One.. Some people will NEVER like you.. I saved my wife's life and her parents still hate me(divorcing by the way)

No matter what you do right.. You WILL always be wrong to this guy. So.. Here it is.. Why should you care.? Yes it's tradition, but he's not the one you intend to Mary..

That said.. This is where my advice goes bad.. I put up with crap like this from my wife's family.. I was the bigger person.. I took the high road.. Then one day.. When I was being bashed for no reason.. I snapped... And I let them have it.. (our relationship has always been one of dislike) so.. I put them in their place..

I always thought my wife would set them straight.. She never did.. Don't let people walk on you. No matter who they are.

If you want for him or anyone else to "warm up" to you.. You could be waiting for a long time, for something that will never happen.. Yes.. I'm tired and cranky and need a snickers...

That's my. 02

 

[GalaxyGadgetGirl]

I think youre doing everything right. Dont let his insecurities about previous boyfriends get you down, thats just his instinct. When you have this child, whether its a girl or boy, you will have the same instinct when they start dating. Just be the bigger man, show him you are serious about being a part of her life forever and being a great father and the respect will come in time. Good luck!

 

[eddiekeyton]

I really appreciate all of the advice. Normally I'm not the type of person to allow someone to walk all over me like he does. Honestly I think I'll get tired of being downgraded by him sooner or later. No matter what I'm not going anywhere and he needs to get that through his thick skull. He may as well get used to it, because his daughter sees how hard it is for me to deal with it every time intslk to him. And it hurts her the way he treats me. I can see it in her eyes. She just doesn't tell me because she doesn't want to admit to herself that she's taking my side over her fathers. You guys have some of the best advice. Thank you so much.

 

[cr6]

Congrats on the engagement and the soon to be new addition to your family!
Word of advice from a guy in his mid 40s who's been through it all relationship-wise: stop trying so hard to please her father. The only person you should be worried about pleasing is your soon to be wife. You've already done the right thing by asking for her hand in marriage, so leave it at that. He's more than likely not going to change, and the harder you try to win his approval, the worse you're going to make things. If he does eventually warm up to you, great! Just don't expect it and whatever you do, don't show him, (or give him the satisfaction of knowing) that you need his approval as much as you do. It's only going to make you appear weak in his eyes, & obviously that's counterproductive to your goal.

Continue to show him you're a good man by treating his daughter like a queen. He'll either come around or he won't, but don't waste your energy fighting a losing battle.
Good luck & congrats again!

tap'n

 

[GalaxyGadgetGirl]

No matter what I'm not going anywhere and he needs to get that through his thick skull.

Honestly, thats the best you can do in this situation. Just take it one day at a time.

 

[94lt1]

Stand your ground.. That's all you can do.. It took me a while to figure that out.. But it felt good one put them in their place.. Lol. Good luck

 

[William_04_x]

You gotta play the game to earn his respect. He's used to having his butt kissed, so inquire about his career, and "success". Show him you're ambitious. His priorities are different than yours, so take advantage of that. It'll take the heat off while he accepts reality.

Sent from my DROID RAZR MAXX using Droid Forums

 

[UrbanBounca]

Here it is.. From my point of view.. I'd stop reading here... So be warned lol.

One.. Some people will NEVER like you.. I saved my wife's life and her parents still hate me(divorcing by the way)

No matter what you do right.. You WILL always be wrong to this guy. So.. Here it is.. Why should you care.? Yes it's tradition, but he's not the one you intend to Mary..

That said.. This is where my advice goes bad.. I put up with crap like this from my wife's family.. I was the bigger person.. I took the high road.. Then one day.. When I was being bashed for no reason.. I snapped... And I let them have it.. (our relationship has always been one of dislike) so.. I put them in their place..

I always thought my wife would set them straight.. She never did.. Don't let people walk on you. No matter who they are.

If you want for him or anyone else to "warm up" to you.. You could be waiting for a long time, for something that will never happen.. Yes.. I'm tired and cranky and need a snickers...

That's my. 02

Honestly, after personal experience, I can also say that this is the best advice in the thread. I was married at 19-years-old, and we all got along. Then, as we argued or fought, instead of talking with her friends or a counselor, she decided to start talking about it with her parents. Over time, her parents began to dislike me. It wasn't because of anything extraordinary, because frankly, all couples eventually argue or fight; it's human nature. We never mended the relationship, and every day was a battle.

We divorced in '10, and have an 8-year-old in the middle of it. Her and I get along, but I could care-less about her parents or their opinion. That said, you can't be with someone unless they're willing to (a) distance themselves from the people that dislike you or (b) you get along with people in her life. From what you've said, her and her father seem close. I hate to say it, but I don't believe it will work out.