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If you guys have a antivirus/security app you are paying for, like AVG or similar, contact them and ask if there is any way they can monitor your PC's and phones for hacks. If anyone can identify the hacker, they can.
And that's the problem.. In most cases.. Someone's ex won't let go . and someone doesn't really want to move on And change their passwords... I've seen this a few times.. Wipe the system... Reset your passwords... Or be honest to all parties involved...
This sounds like something that you should not be talking about here – but rather something that you should bring to your local authorities. I have found that sometimes just mentioning the police (or better yet, having the police come to them) is far more effective than any threat that you could provide.