Forget iTunes
I went through the same painstaking process you are going through. Forget all three of those. You need to actually change all your habits when it comes to how you sync. iTunes is a mess, and apple's done a great job of making it a mess so that you have to use their products to organize it.
I use chronosync, tried a ton of diff programs, including all that you listed. This is the best one in my opinion. Get to the root of the problem. Organize any folder on your machine to sync with any folder on the droid - you can schedule backups on a daily, weekly, monthly, or when the device mounts. You can sync right to left or left to right, or syncronize bidirectional. It also recognizes if you delete a file on the computer side, or the droid side, and will update the deletion accordingly. So I just set up certain folders to sync, and do what I want, when i want.
Only thing is you have to change your habits. Forget about iTunes, just start managing your new music in folders on your hard drive and make up playlists that way. I find that this works best, and I'm a music fanatic.