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i think i found a fix for this. i downloaded and installed Handcent SMS.
seems to choose the numbers without the +1. the numbers i was having a hard time with seem to work now.
plus, there is a lot more customization that you can do with Handcent.
My brother had this problem. He backed up his contact using Backup Assistant. Then did a factory data reset. The problem is from your Google contact sync. After reset make sure to disable Google contact sync.
these are contacts merged from facebook. and i did create a new contact and linked them together, even selected the number without the +1 to be 'default' and it still picked up the +1.