Read the link in my signature about memory management in android.
Also memory usage plus is a great program for monitoring memory, and has a great widget in the paid version. Most worthwhile memory manager app i've ever used.
And if memory management is so bad like everyone jumped to, why do most of the major ROM developers stick advanced memory management tools in their ROM's. (ie: freeMB scripts, and recommending apps like advanced memory manager). It's not a black and white debate. It's more like a science. Memory management is a very good thing if you know what you're doing.
With a combination of a good internal taskiller adjustment, and some memory management with Memory Usage Plus, I consistently have 50-60mb free, whereas before I had 30-40 tops mb free. Real life results.
Enjoy.